Jimmy Kimmel welcomes his first grandchild after missing only his second show in 22 years: ‘We’ve got a baby’

I’ll have to figure out something weird to teach my grandchild,” the late-night host said of his new familial duties.

Jimmy Kimmel is back — and reporting for grandpa duty.

After missing Monday’s late-night show, the comedian opened his 20 May monologue with an exciting announcement: His daughter Katie Kimmel has given birth to a baby girl, meaning the Jimmy Kimmel Live host is officially a grandparent.

“We were supposed to have a show last night, but we didn’t because my daughter had a baby,” Kimmel said. “So I decided to be there instead of here.”

Aside from cancellations due to COVID-19, this marked only the second time Kimmel has skipped a show in 22 years. The first time was in 2007, when he had his appendix out in an emergency operation.

Kimmel went on to apologise to fans who would have been in the live studio audience and Seth Rogen, who was slated to be his guest on Monday night. “He was very understanding, and luckily he was totally high when I called him,” Kimmel quipped.

“The baby’s very healthy,” Kimmel said before joking, “They gave her a very cute name. Her name is Melania. It’s Melania Thee Stallion.”

He eventually revealed his granddaughter’s real name: Patti Joan.

Kimmel added that the newborn shares her middle name with his mother, Joan. But while Kimmel was quick to reveal the baby’s name to his audience, one of his family members had to endure a drawn-out prank before learning the truth.

“We had an army of people at the hospital — it was bigger than Coachella,” Kimmel recalled. “One of the few people who wasn’t at the hospital with us was my Aunt Chippy, who lives in Vegas, and traditionally she has strong opinions about the names we give our children. My brother named his daughter Trixie, and so we called her and she said, ‘What kind of a name is Trixie?'”

So when the time came to deliver the big news about Patti Joan to Aunt Chippy over the phone, Kimmel made sure to have fun with it.

“We got a baby,” he began on the call, which he showed in a video taken at the hospital.

“We do, we do, we do!” Chippy replied, excited. “What are you naming her?”

“Well I didn’t get a vote in, and I didn’t name her, but you’re going to like the name because Katie decided to honour my mother,” Kimmel said. “It’s kind of a combination of my mother’s first name and mama — it’s Jo Mama.”

After a long pause, Chippy caught on. “You’re full of s—,” she said, prompting laughter from Kimmel and his family. “She didn’t name the baby that. If you don’t stop busting my balls, I swear to God when I die, I’m going to come back and haunt ya!”

Kimmel persisted. “The baby’s name is not Jo Mama,” he said. “It’s Brangelina.”

Elsewhere in his monologue, Kimmel noted that despite his excitement about becoming a grandparent, the idea of bringing a child into the world today is “kind of scary.”

Citing “climate change” and “AI” as issues kids today must worry about, Kimmel joked that the “most dangerous scenario that the future had when I was a kid was quicksand, the Bermuda triangle, and killer bees.”

He added with a laugh, “That was the trio of terror for me. Still haven’t seen a hint of any of those things.”

As for fulfilling his duty as a grandpa, Kimmel said he learned plenty from his own, recalling how his paternal grandfather used a police siren to cut through traffic, despite not being a cop, while his maternal grandfather would “give himself haircuts with a cigarette lighter.”

“I’ll have to figure out something weird to teach my grandchild,” Kimmel said.

Kimmel shares Katie and his son Kevin with his ex-wife, costume designer Gina Maddy, and he shares his children Jane and Billy with his wife, writer Molly McNearney.

Watch Kimmel’s first monologue as a granddad above.